The Grass Isn't Always Greener...

Just about every youth pastor, if they’re honest, has considered what’s beyond their own church. They see the bigger church, with the bigger budget, and the bigger youth group and ask themselves the question, “what if?” A season of low attendance from students or ongoing conflict with volunteers, parents, or church staff can make a youth pastor start looking over the fence, to see if the grass really is greener on the other side.

A good friend of mine gave me this advice. “Beware of greener pastures. You never know how much fertilizer the last guy had to go through to get them looking that way.”

While a new calling at a new church may be appealing, you don’t know the history or the struggle of what it took to get that way. Even with larger churches, there was a time when the congregation (and the youth group) were smaller. Someone had to make the hard calls to navigate that ministry through some difficult seasons. What if the church you serve at now, is just a few years away from an explosion of growth? You’ll never know if you don’t stick around.

Aside from personal preferences, the biggest question should always be: “Has God released me from serving here?” Sadly, I realize many youth pastors reading this have been “released” from serving at their church; whether they wanted to or not. My friend, remember the same God who called you into that church is the same God who called you out of it. No pastor, deacon board, or group of parents is beyond the scope and power of God’s control.  

While those scenarios are an obvious sign that it’s time to move on, there may be other times it’s harder to know when God may be calling you somewhere else. Things may not be bad, but you feel stuck, frustrated, or simply unhappy. Let’s look at a couple things to remember before you think about leaving.

NOT A STEPPING STONE

You’ve heard it before: ministry is not a stepping stone. If you go into a church with the mindset that you won’t be there long, can you really say you’re giving that flock the attention it needs, and what God requires of us? Whether that stepping stone is to a bigger youth ministry, or from a student pastor to a senior pastor, the allure of “bigger and better” is a goalpost that’s always moving.  

If you’re always looking for what’s next, you’ll never stay long enough to make a real difference. That’s not to say a long tenure won’t open a door to another opportunity, but when churches see a pattern of short stints in ministry positions, they’re less likely to seriously consider you. On the other hand, if they see those patterns and still want you, don’t be surprised if that church is used to chewing up and spitting out their youth pastors.

SURVIVING THE STORM

If you stay at a church long enough, you’ll encounter some storms. Conflicts that may last a few weeks or even several months. These may be personal battles, a toxic workplace or supervisors, or a fight that nobody sees. In these moments, remember that even pastors need pastors. Talk to trusted friends. Make sure you’re already plugged into network or cohort of youth pastors. Seek professional counseling. If you choose to leave your church because of your inner demons, those problems will just follow you to your next assignment. Don’t assume a change of scenery will change your heart.     

Those storms may be issues in the church as a whole. Prayerfully, they’ll have little to do with you. But your students and families may look to you for leadership and comfort. Will you be a source of strength in which they can confide, or will you be someone who adds fuel to the fire? I cannot overstate how important it is to your own integrity, that you do not agree with or feed the rumor mill of a church’s member’s criticisms of your senior pastor (or any staff member). Remember, a church member that comes to you complaining about leadership, likely says the same or worse about behind your back. Be above reproach.  

All that to say, don’t leave at the first sign of trouble. Ministry is full of seasons, good and bad. If you leave when things become difficult, you’ll never grow. What if the storm you dread, turns out to be the furnace in which God refines you? If you stick it out, you’ll become better for it. Plus, you'll earn trust and respect from your parents and volunteers. Presence, longevity, and consistency cover a multitude of bad sermons.

ASK FOR A CHANGE

As you’re seeking change, I’ve heard you can pray in one of three ways. You can ask God to change your heart, to change others, or change your situation.

It may be that your love has grown cold, that your fiery passion has dimmed to an ember. There may be unresolved “church hurt” or emotional trauma that you need to pray and seek counsel for. If you’re quick to point the finger of blame to everyone and everything else, it’s worth the time to look inward and ask God to reveal your heart. Even if your heart isn’t angry or bitter, it may simply be broken. You push through each day, wearing a fake smile, because you’re scared of anyone seeing the truth. You’re the one who’s supposed to have it all together, right? Wrong. My friend, you are as susceptible to depression, sadness, and pain as anyone else. Sometimes, God does the greatest work in our lives through our most painful seasons. It’s in that hurt, that we’re taught empathy for others. If we allow God to do His work in our lives through our pain, He may allow us to minister to another going through a similar situation.  

You may need to get on your knees and pray for others in your church. People who you believe are acting as obstacles to your ministry. To you, it may feel like they wake up each morning asking themselves how they can make you miserable. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. Many times, I’ve found that those who seem like they’re targeting me, are fighting another battle, and I just happen to be in the crossfire. When you pray for them, you aren’t just praying for their good (as hard that may be). You’re asking the Lord to help you release the control you’ve allowed them to have in your life. Choose freedom, and surrender your thoughts about them to the Lord. Keep in mind, this may also require a big slice of humble pie from you, as you seek reconciliation with those who you may have hurt.

If it’s not you and it’s not them (don’t skip those steps), pray that God changes your situation. God may have you where you are to learn something you could only learn in your current situation. As easy as it is to ask God, “Why, Lord? Why am I going through this?”, it’s better when we ask “What, Lord? What do you want me to learn in this season? Help me to listen.” God may be moving things behind the scenes in ways you can’t imagine. It may take time to get all the pieces in place, but I promise you it’s worth the wait.

LEARN HOW TO BE CONTENT

Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” It’s a verse you’ve memorized and taught to your students. It may also be one of the most taken out of context verses in the Bible. This isn’t a verse about self-empowerment or manifesting your goals. It’s the verses before this that give us a fuller understanding of Paul’s meaning. Verses 11-12 read, “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” Paul is telling the church at Philippi (and us) that has learned how to be fulfilled from a deep, abiding trust in Christ. 

Have you learned to be content in where God has placed you? In his book, The Heart of a Great Pastor, authors H.B. London Jr. and Neil B. Wiseman, write ““Bloom where you are planted. Do not waste your time making comparisons with another person's turf or belittle how God has assigned you.” In seeking contentment, we learn trust. Trust in God, in His timing, and in His ways.

My hope is that you will stick around for a while, at where God has placed you. The grass on your side of the fence may have brown patches, weeds, and a few rocks jutting out. But this just may be the season where God has you, and He’s telling you to roll up your sleeves, and get to work on the soil He’s entrusted to you. Praying for you today, friend.

Questions to Consider

• Am I considering leaving because God is calling me somewhere else—or because ministry has become difficult where I am?

  
  

• What might God be trying to change in me before I ask Him to change my situation?

  
  

• Have I allowed comparison with another church or ministry to make me less grateful for where God has placed me?

• If God asked me to stay right where I am for another five years, could I serve here with joy, faithfulness, and contentment?