Picked Last: Embracing Community and Vulnerability in Leadership

"David left Gath and escaped to the cave of Adullam. When his brothers and his father’s household heard about it, they went down to him there. All those who were in distress or in debt or discontented gathered around him, and he became their commander. About four hundred men were with him." 

— 1 Samuel 22:1–2 (CSB)

When I first stepped into student ministry after college, I had experience, passion, and a heart for students. But one reality surfaced quickly: I could not do this alone. My spiritual walk was drifting, and my enthusiasm was fading.

Up to that point, I had always had mentors and peers around me. But suddenly, I was encouraging students to pursue community while quietly ignoring my own need for it. The result was isolation, and isolation is always unhealthy.

Like many leaders, I pushed forward. I convinced myself that strong leaders stand alone. I thought I could be anchored in Christ without leaning on others. But the truth was I was sinking. Eventually, I joined a small group, reluctantly. And what I found there was what I had been missing: real community.

We Know Community Is Critical But We Neglect It

Ask any pastor and they will tell you that community is vital. We preach it to our students. We celebrate it when we see friendships forming in our ministries. We design programs around it. We know from Scripture that the Kingdom of God is built on community, not isolation.

But here is the problem. We often do not live it ourselves. We tell students they cannot grow without community, then try to lead without it. We know the body of Christ cannot function if every part is not connected (1 Corinthians 12), but we live as if we are self-sufficient.

This is not just a mistake. It is dangerous. When leaders isolate themselves, they cut themselves off from the very means of grace God designed for them. And here is the sobering reality. If we are not healthy, the people we lead cannot be healthy either. Our leadership sets the tone. If we model isolation, our people will learn to isolate. If we model vulnerability and connection, our people will begin to live that way too.

David’s Cave of Adullam

David, the anointed king, was not sitting on a throne. He was hiding in a cave. Yet in that dark, uncertain place, God gathered a community around him. They were not impressive candidates. They were distressed, indebted, and discontented. But God used them to become David’s mighty men.

That is what God does. He does not wait until everything looks ideal. He builds strength and health through community, even when it is messy, imperfect, and unexpected.

If David needed people in the cave, how much more do we as leaders need people in our own caves?

Community in the Life of Jesus

Jesus Himself modeled this. The Son of God could have carried out His mission in isolation, but He chose to gather twelve disciples and live life with them (Mark 3:13–19). He ate with them, prayed with them, and shared both victories and frustrations with them. Even in His most difficult moments, like the Garden of Gethsemane, He asked His closest friends to stay awake and pray with Him.

If Jesus lived in community, how can we imagine we can lead without it?

The Early Church

The book of Acts paints another clear picture. Believers were devoted to the apostles’ teaching, to fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to prayer (Acts 2:42–47). They shared life together. They did not grow the Kingdom through lone heroes, but through ordinary people committed to walking with one another. That rhythm of community was not optional. It was central to their identity and their strength.

For more on why biblical community matters, Desiring God offers a great reflection on the dangers of isolation in the Christian life.

Lessons for Student Pastors

• Lead From Identity, Not Isolation. Your worth is not tied to numbers or titles. Lead from who you are in Christ, surrounded by people who remind you of that truth.

• Embrace Vulnerability. Students and volunteers do not need you to pretend. They need honesty and humility. When you share your struggles, you open the door for them to share theirs.

• See the Value in the Unlikely. The people around you may not look like the team you would choose. But God can use them to shape you, strengthen your ministry, and accomplish His purposes.

Why Leaders Drift Into Isolation

Isolation rarely happens on purpose. It sneaks in through busyness, disappointment, pride, or hurt. We get discouraged, and instead of leaning on others, we retreat. Or we feel pressure to perform and decide it is safer to keep our struggles hidden.

But isolation is always costly. Burnout, moral failure, and deep discouragement are often preceded by seasons where leaders tried to carry the weight alone.

For research on the effects of pastoral isolation, see Barna’s report on pastor well-being.

Practical Pathways Back to Community

1. Commit to a Small Group. Not because it is perfect, but because you need people.

2. Pursue Peer Relationships. Find other pastors who are in the trenches and meet regularly.

3. Seek Out Mentorship. Do not assume you have outgrown the need for someone to pour into you.

4. Lean Into Cohorts. Ministry cohorts provide both practical training and relational support.

   
   

Community does not just happen. You have to step into it intentionally, even when it feels inconvenient.

Find Community Right Where You Are

Ministry can feel like an island. But isolation is dangerous. The longer we pretend we do not need people, the weaker we become.

Sometimes community shows up in unexpected places. A church small group, local leaders, or a ministry cohort. But one thing is certain: you cannot lead others into what you refuse to step into yourself.

That is why we encourage student pastors to lean into communities like Shaping Student Ministry cohorts. They are not just networking. They are lifelines. They give you a place to process, be encouraged, and walk with people who understand your unique calling.

Because here is the bottom line:

• You cannot do ministry without community and stay healthy.

• And your people cannot be healthy if you are not.

God does not call us to stand alone. He calls us to stand together.

Join a Shaping Student Ministry Cohort and connect with leaders who know the highs and lows of student ministry. Learn more: shapingstudentministry.com