More Than a Game: How Fun Builds Community in Student Ministry

Recently, I had a new leader who started serving in our youth ministry. His wife has been serving for over 6 months and he wanted to start serving and do so with his spouse. He was very nervous his first week as I gave him the flow for the evening - hang time to chat with the students, game time as a group, message, and then girls and boys small groups.

If you know me, you know I love games. I love to make them, play them, win them. When I first started in at this church two years ago, the kids would stare at me when it was time to start a game like I was a crazy person. We had a few weeks where games that kids in my old ministry liked, did not go over well in my new youth group. Weeks where the students simply were not good at some of the games. Slowly but surely, they began to embrace them.

Believe it or not, not liking games can actually be a plus for your group. My new leader had told me beforehand he is not a big game guy. He doesn’t win a lot. He gets frustrated. I told him not to worry, he’s still welcome. To just try and put on a good attitude for the kids.

We played a game called “Connect the Dots” where a timer went while everyone quickly counted a specific color of dots amidst a mass of colored dots. Everyone thought it would be easy and it got progressively harder. Our new leader sat next to one of the boys and was hemming and hawing as the game went on. After youth, I asked him how everything went and how he felt the night had gone for him.

He told me, “You know, it’s actually a good thing I don’t like games.”

“Tell me about that,” I encouraged him.

“I actually bonded with Michael because he hates games too!”

FUN IS THE FRONT PORCH, NOT THE LIVING ROOM

It seems silly, but even leaders not being great at games or not enjoying them, serve a necessary purpose because there will be students there who also don’t like games. Even the simplicity of bonding over not enjoying the game, allows for the smallest steps of a relationship to be built. That happened for my leader on his very first week.

Some students love the games. They get invested and excited and ask as soon as they walk in, “What are we playing?” It’s an easy way to kick off your night. Don’t forget, most of these kids have been at school all day and need an outlet!  Games have worked well for our group to help get their energy out, let conversation flow, and hopefully get some laughs in too.

Fun is a great way to form community! Especially when a new student walks in the door, it is easy to pull them into a game. In my two years of being in this ministry, we have also implemented small groups for the first time and the games have helped grow our community. The fun is a great start to building relationships, then moving “through the door,” to the living room where we do deeper life together.

CHAMPIONS ADJUST

There’s a few things to note when it comes to games. The first thing is - don’t beat yourself up when a game doesn’t go as you hoped. Every group is different. Even year to year, the composition of your group will change. Games that used to work well with even last year’s group might not work well with this year’s group. Don’t take it personal. You are a champion! Champions adjust. Either adapt the game to work better for your crew or take it out of the rotation for awhile.

Also, don’t take it personal if everyone doesn’t love every game. The good thing about this is, believe it or not, this actually allows for bonding too. My new leader and that student were able to commiserate about how they did not like the game while playing side by side. I truly hope it will help them be able to grow to talk about deeper things side by side someday.

LEARN WHAT YOUR GROUP LOVES

On the flip side of the “don’ts” are the “dos.” Do try something new. Don’t be afraid. You might be surprised at what sticks or what they end up loving. Don’t be afraid to try it a second time - sometimes once they get the hang of something, it makes it easier for them to play it a second time.

Do try a variety of games! Try screen games. Try active games. Try games that are team based. Try games that are solo. Try different things. Watch how the kids engage. See what kind of games they do enjoy best and find more things like that.

I don’t know if your group is like my group, but our numbers fluctuate every week. We could have 8 kids or we could have 22 kids. I typically have two games ready to go - one for a smaller group and one for a larger group. That might feel like a lot of prep to you, but it is better than trying to make a game work with not enough kids or trying to make a game work with too many kids. I have found it easier to know my options than to force something that's not working.

Do see what games your kids love and replicate that. Find games that are similar but not the exact same. If they love the game, but the same old, same old is starting to make the game less enjoyable to them, make or find an adaption. Always leave them wanting more, asking to play that game again, than them saying, “This game again?”

LET STUDENTS OWN THE FUN

Utilize your students who are already invested and give them the encouragement to lead the group in a game. Partner them first with another leader or yourself and give them the challenge - what game do you think would be fun for us to do as a group? Equip them to lead it. Get them the supplies they need. Walk alongside them and give them the opportunity to have ownership over this area. This allows you not only to have fun with your group as a whole, but allows teaching and one on one time with one of your students.

CREATE THE STORIES THEY'LL TELL LATER

Use games to create memories. Over ten years ago we were playing a youth group classic of Mafia and I pulled a prank on my students that still gets brought up to this day. “Remember when Hannah . . .” Then they have to tell the younger students who weren’t there about it. Or when we announce what game we are going to play Wednesday night and someone starts laughing and says, “Remember last time?”

While I do love to win, the ultimate goal of games is to create lasting memories and without them realizing it, build community. It does become easier to talk in small group when you’ve been on a team with half of the girls. It does become easier to share what’s going on when you have been partners in a game before. It does become easier to have serious conversations when you have laughed together (ironically enough).

Don’t make youth gatherings all about the fun, but don’t be afraid to let that be the entry point either. Make memories together. Laugh together. Help your students have ownership over this time and space and the memories they want to make with the other kids in their group. Switch up teams and see students hang out with other kids than their usual to build bonds outside normal hang out groups.

I could go on and on that games are purposeful. I have always loved games and I have seen these kids slowly come to love our games. Not only that, but I have seen the positive impact, even when they negatively do not want to play. Or the perk of hearing them share in small group when they had not before.

THE GAME IS NEVER THE GOAL

Games are a gift. They are a great entry point to get to the depth of what it is we really want them to know - that Jesus Christ loves them, died for them, conquered sin and the grave, and invites them into a personal relationship with Him that will change their eternity. That’s pretty serious stuff! That’s for the living room. Have some fun, get them in the house. Let’s see lives changed.

Hannah Mann is the Next Generation Director at Discovery Pointe Church. She has served with students for almost a decade. She is currently pursuing her Masters of Divinity at Gateway Seminary. When she's not with students or doing homework, she's typically reading, hiking, watching the Diamondbacks, or traveling!

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER

• What role does fun currently play in your student ministry, and are you using it intentionally to help students build relationships?

• Are there games or activities you keep using simply because they worked in the past, even though your current group may respond differently?

• How could you give students more ownership by allowing them to choose, plan, or lead games and activities?

• What are you doing to help move students from simply having fun together to building the kind of relationships where deeper conversations about life and faith can happen?